My First Crush v.s. My First Love: Part 1

I met my first crush in 2nd grade. He was 1 or 2 years older than but got left back so we were stuck in the same class together all through elementary school. We often argued so it was easy to keep the fact that I liked him a secret. Until 4th grade when I made a mistake and told a friend of mine that had just transferred in that I had a HUGE crush on him. She thought she was doing me a favor by tell him for me cause I was too scarred to. I mean, one, I was already in a relationship with someone and two, I knew full well he wasn't someone I really wanted to date. So why bother telling him, right? The worse part is our whole grade knew by the end of that day. It was so embarrassing. Luckily it was also a Friday and by Monday barely anyone would be talking about it. While I was in 5th grade I still liked him but I did a better job of keeping it an actual secret this time cause thanks to my cousin it was confirmed as just a rumor. At the end of 5th grade he moved to Pennsylvania so I thought we wouldn't see each other again. Long story short I was wrong.

On the other hand, me and my first love knew each other before we were even born. Our mothers have been bestfriends since high school so it was a given that their children were going to know each other. We grew up together and were the same age so of course we ended up being close friends. When we were like 5 or 6 a game of hide and seek somehow ended with us kissing. His older sibling's found us kissing then separated us and told us we shouldn't kiss people on the lips unless we were dating them. So after both of us thought about it for like 2 weeks we decided to date without our parents knowing. Even though we were young we took a chance and dated each other. For the first year we saw each other almost every weekend. Then in the second year our moms kind of got busy so we didn't see each other. Still to my knowledge even though we didn't see each other we were still dating. When we finally saw each other again I was really happy to see him after a such a long time, but to my surprise he didn't even remember we were dating. His older siblings remembered but he didn't. In my mind that meant he didn't want to remember and that hurt my feelings. We ended up telling him so he finally remembered. We ended up dating till the end of that summer cause I didn't like that he forgot about me even though I kept thinking bout him. Then we weren't in contact till some time last year. Which is now causing some problems for me.

My Word is...

I'm Awesomeness.
Because you know what,
there is just not enough hate in my heart,
for me to hate myself.

But there is also not enough love,
for me to truly love myself.

So, I came to a conclusion.
If I can't hate nor love myself,
I'll put a word in place of them.
My word is Awesomeness.

This is for you...

This is a picture of the sky in New York when I was going to a funeral. Even though it was such a sad day, this sky was so beautiful I couldn't resist taking a picture of it. I know this may sound weird, but I think this was his last present to us. Like he was telling us he's alright, so we wouldn't worry. That also kind of puts me at ease.

Baby Stew

First of all this is a long term, not no 20 minute project.
It's not usually a one man thing, but it can be done.
Now lets get to it;

1. Just a bit of warmth
mixed with hope and love,
is how you start this thing off.
A bit of sass and a bit more of hurt,
for them to learn from.
Leave this mixture for about 4 months,
this will be your marinara sauce.

2. The next thing to do,
is quite easy actually,
just add happy thoughts to your marinara and a lot
of patience.

3. You will have to stuff it into a strong soul,
along with a mind of it's own,
as imaginative and active as the child in your soul.
Let this coddle in your pot,
for another 4 months or so.

Just one more month that's all you need,
for the final step that will put you at ease.

4. The final step is all up to you,
add whatever you want to this big pot of stew,
that was made just for you.

Life

Life is long,
yet fleeting.
It feels like
the future waves goodbye as your,
still stuck in the past,

Although this is not true,
we still believe it to be.

Life is just a word
we put meaning to.
It's not that hard to understand.
It's just a little hard to overcome.

Life is like a board game,
and we're the pieces that come with it.
It's hard to not mess up at least once while playing the first time.
But if you give the game your own rules the 2nd time,
its quite easy to break none, right?
WRONG!!!
You can't make your own rules to a game that isn't yours to begin with.
But no one says you can't try.

Family is...

Family is not just the people you share blood with, family is the people you trust the most, it's the people that never turn their back on you, they're always caring for you even if you don't know it. So much people think of their family as burdens and complain about them. Others are still searching for at least one person they can call their family. I'm glad I was fortunate enough to be born to such a loving family. I used to take my family for granted, but now that I'm older I miss the time I was surrounded by family.

Comment what you miss about your family.😁 

We all die, so we all kill

I'm pretty sure I understand the word kill.
Killing is an act of taking another's or your own life.
Killing is murder, suicide, and even accidents.
Killing is DEATH, itself.

I know all of this, yet I don't full understand why killing is shunned upon by our society.
I mean everyone says we shouldn't kill, but I don't think they realize we all kill.
That killing is apart of our everyday lives.
All year long we kill almost every type of animal:
Cows, Pigs, Horses, Rabbits, Foxes, Fishes, Mosquitos, Bees, Flies, Fruit flies, Frogs, Bears...
Shall I go on?

In our lives there was NEVER and most likely will NEVER be a person that can truthfully say the phrase, 'I have not killed'.
Because everyone of us are murders. We've all taken a life.
Now for sometime I've been wondering.
Why?
Why are we made to be murders?
I thought long and hard about this question and I've finally come to this conclusion:

We all live cause we all die,
we all die cause we all kill.

It's not something we can avoid, its just our fate.
Weather we take our own lives or we let another take it for us it all ends the same.
We all end up dying,
we all go down the same path.
Even though we call the people in prison that murdered our brethren 'Monsters'.
If that's the case aren't we all 'Monsters'.
We've all killed so we are all in JAIL.
Our jail is our LIFE our life is our JAIL.
We live waiting for our life sentences to end.

We all live cause we all die,
we all DIE, so we all KILL,
weather we like it or not that's just how it is.

About me

Hello, I'm Diana. A. Delancey.
I'm 15 year old otaku, with a dream of becoming a director/script-writer. I've always been curious about how others view the world, cause everyone has their own opinion. I noticed I've always been the one asking about how others see the world, so I never really told anyone how I view it. I see the world in different ways as in you could say god is the ruler of the world and were just playing the role he gave us. You could also say this world is just a planet that humans live on. In my eyes neither of those statements are wrong, but their not right either. In my eyes their is no real way to explain the world as a whole, you can only summarize the part you've seen. My understanding of the world is a bit mature for my age (at least that's what my mother told me).

I'm trying to figure out what my worldview is I have an idea but my opinions don't fit with the ones I've heard. I've decided to take you on what I call 'my search for the world'. There will be pictures, poems, prose, scripts, ect. This is basically me just searching for people that don't mind searching for the world with me. Please feel free to share and comment on posts. (Everything I post is just my opinion, I don't mean to offend anyone)